6. Summer Time Machine Blues

I must be in a comedy mood at the moment.  Also – this is a very new entrant to the list.  Just to show you all that everything is fluid here at “Things Fall Apart”.

Let me ask you a question.  Do you like Time Travel Movies?  What’s your favourite? “Back to the Future”?  Maybe you like the original “The Time Machine”?  “Terminator” possibly? Or that “Harry Potter” one that actually was pretty scary and did a nice time travel bit at the end? I am rather partial to “The Butterfly Effect” myself, and well “Donnie Darko” is one of my favourite films ever (and it is a time travel movie – honest!).

There are 100’s.  And they all make you think about time travel, and paradoxes, and if you think too hard your head hurts.

And then you HAVE to pick holes in it.

So the other day, a friend offered me the perfect time-travel movie. Perfect was their short review.

Well – colour me intrigued.

You know the problem with some Time Travel Movies?  They think too big.  They mess around with big important events. Or they try and apply huge relevance to minor events, that being changed have huge repercussions.

What if, lets say, you had a time machine, and you only wanted to go back to yesterday, to recover the remote control for your air conditioning unit, that you broke, and it is just too damn hot?

Well that is the premise for “Summer Time Machine Blues”.

Tellingly based on a stage play, the film is based around a limited  number of locations, but the camera-work always keeps you interested.  Something is always going on somewhere in a scene (I have watched the film 3 times now in 2 days), and the frankly genius use of split screen to show parallel events is executed to perfection.

The film also riffs quite a lot on “Back to the Future”, but in a playful, not heavy way. It is there a an inspiration, not a crutch.  Check out the movie poster, the clock tower, and a familiar feeling “mad” scientist who loves to explain things with a diagram!

Apart from the wonderful construction of the film, there is some interesting discussion about Time Travel, and the various “rules” associated with it.  These range from ‘you change the past, and everything is ruined’, to ‘you change the past, and time just fixes itself’.  However, this is always done with humour and a tongue firmly in a cheek.

The acting is a little variable – the male lead and and the females seem a little more fleshed out than the rest of the male characters – but i personally found their goofiness endearing.  This is a club this little nerd would not have minded joining.

I challenge you to seek out this film – and fail to find it completely charming!

5. Shaolin Soccer

Right, I have had enough of murderous,mentally ill females for a couple of posts. Let us move to Hong Kong, and Stephen Chow’s wonderful “Shaolin Soccer”.

Remember I said two of my interests would cross over? Well here it is. Even better is that this is a highly humorous film, that never fails to make me smile.

First things first. Don't take the film too seriously. It is deliberately silly. Accept the fact that a bizarre “Saving Private Ryan” homage takes place in the middle of a scene. Accept the fact the rules of Football are no being adhered too.

Second things second. Admire the genius of casting the beautiful Vicki Zhao and hiding her behind a) the worst case of acne, b) a terrible makeover and c) a bald ‘wig’.

I try not to go in for synopsis in these blogs, but in a nutshell – crippled ex-footballer and super-talented Shaolin Kung-Fu master team up to create a football team who play based on the principles of Shaolin Kung-Fu. Which involves “getting the gang back together”.

Wacky Hi-Jinks ensue.

I first heard about this film when someone sent me a montage of the CGI-enhanced Kung-Fu/Soccer scenes. Whilst these are fun – there is far more to the film than those 10 minutes.

Actually, upon re-watching the movie I am shocked how ropey the CGI looks. In some cases it looks charming, if archaic – other times it looks amateurish.

Note that there is an American version of the film which runs some 20 minutes less. Avoid it like the plague.

Saying that, I have the Hong Kong version, and the English subtitles are appalling. There are misspellings, huge amounts of nonsense being spoken, and one scene where the characters keep calling the football, “the soccer”. However, I can get past it, and so should you!

Chow is going to get another entry on the list later, but for now – this is must see cinema.

4. Freeze Me

I have been debating whether to include this film or not. It does not quite fit into my rules, specifically it is NOT one of my favourite Asian films. It certainly would not go on a desert island with me. But then it does hit some other notes - it was the first Asian film I discovered that was not due to it being lauded in the film media. It also is an interesting counterpoint to "Audition", which a friend of mine mentioned to me the other day. So if I am going to include on "Rape/Revenge" film, why not have two?

"Audition" is a film that is difficult to watch for various reasons, not just the horrific climax. I did not mention in my earlier post, but the female protagonist has a back story that explains her motives, which of course is of an abusive nature. We the audience are encouraged to have some sympathy for her. However, because of the nature of the film, I don't think we can sympathise with her - her revenge is extreme, and generic - against men in general - not those who wronged her.

"Freeze Me" is also difficult to watch. It is the story of a young woman, Chihiro, who was raped by three men 5 years ago. She told no-one about this, and ran off to start her life again in the city. As we meet her, she seems happy - she has friends, a job, a boyfriend. Then it all come crashing down around her when one-by-one her rapists return to haunt her.

The male characters are suitably generic and stereotypical - which I think is the point. The first guy is a young man (living off his inheritance, all face value). The second is a "Salaryman". The third a "Yakuza". They all have their reasons for wanting Chihiro - and in some ways ignorant of what they are doing. Chihiro herself is very submissive - she fights back as much as she can, but their return breaks her and her spirit.

Until of course she accidentally kills her first attacker.

And proceeds to keep the body in a freezer.

She then gets stronger and stronger - taking out the next two men in an ever more aggressive and violent fashion. But bizarrely, she starts a relationship with the frozen bodies, enjoying their company, talking to them.

Whilst this is happening, her boyfriend thinks she is cheating on him, and when she tells him of her rape, he leaves her. Frankly, the boyfriend is a bit of a twat. Near the end of the movie he returns, and makes it up with Chihiro in such an insensitive way, I cannot believe she did not kill him there and then.

Oh she does 10 minutes later...but for different reasons.

So yes the film is interesting. It is not without art - there are some interesting things going on - the use of flashbacks via a video is clever, and the scenes with the Freezers are also very enjoyable - in fact maybe the problem is that these are few and far between. I would like to have seen this explored a little more.

You see - the film is obsessed with Harumi Inoue's breasts. Not 10 minutes goes by without her needing a shower, or be chased around naked. To be fair, the rape scenes are quite tastefully done, and not exploitative - but the rest of the movie is. And I KNOW exploitation is a genre, and that I should accept that as a trapping of said genre. But to me, it just goes a little too far. Don't get me wrong, they are very nice breasts, but maybe we see them too much.

Did I really write that last sentence?

3. Azumi

So let us take a pause from J-Horror, and try something a little different. Now anyone who has read any other postings on this little blog will know I have three passions in life. Movies, Comic Books and Football. Now as a rule, these three rarely combine at the same time, and when they do the results are often poor. Football movies, other than documentaries, are the rarest breed of all (and one will turn up here later), and usually are pretty poor. Football comics also exist, but frankly are not my cup of tea. Comic Book movies however - well I am a dedicated fanboy, and I'll give them critical latitude. Western Comic Book movies are usually pretty poor, struggling to capture either the essence of the characters, or the depth of the stories. Some do work - in recent years I can think of the first two Superman films, a couple of the Batman films, the first two Spider-Man films and the first two X-Men films. Even then they are not without their faults. Maybe it is because they are all Super-hero comics, which is probably the most difficult type of comic book to bring to live. And this is because it is the dominant form of comic in America. In the UK, we are more used to Humour, War and Sci-Fi, but the film industry cannot afford to create such films. In the East, comics are far more wide-ranging and cover all sorts of genres, which means there is far more scope to represent the drawn page on celluloid.


Azumi is a "Chanbara" film, for want of a better characterisation. Based on the long running Manga by Yū Koyama, it tells the story of a band of assassins, trained since childhood to kill the Warlords of 17th century Japan, with the eventual idea of bringing peace and unifying the country.


It is a very stylised film, using a modern electronic/rock score, and utilising a very modern approach to action sequences. No surprise here, as the director, Ryûhei Kitamura, made his name with the low budget, high octane, Zombie/Yakuza/Sci-fi "Versus".


Personally, I found "Versus" to be a complete chore. Yes it was fast-paced, and to some degree innovative, but I found it rather boring and repetitive. "Azumi" however is a different kettle of fish.


I have never read the source Manga, but I believe the setup carries through the most important story beats into the film. This is where it hooked me. We are introduced to the 10 young assassins and their Master, via a brief action sequence (very evocative of "Versus"), and some light-hearted banter. We learn that the titular Azumi and Natchi are probably the most skilled of the bunch, and that they are also close friends. The Master tells them to go outside and pair up. And then kill their friend. His idea is that to be an Assassin you should be prepared to kill anyone (personally, I think he made a tiny mistake here, as by allowing his best to pair up, who both seemed to be able to carry through this plan, he reduced the overall effectiveness of the unit).


They do it.


So there you have it - 15 minutes into the film you have lost half the main cast. BY THEIR OWN HANDS. Genius.


The rest of the film is mighty entertaining, although it is basically mass sword fights, punctuated by scenes of either the Assassins struggling with the ramifications of their missions, or meeting an ever crazier set of villains that want to hunt them down. I suspect the Manga concentrated a lot more on the moments of reflection, but you get enough in the film to get the idea. The villains are a little more "comic-book" than I would like, and the big end of level boss (yes it is a bit like a video game), Bijomaru, is just, well, bizarre.


Oh there is one more thing. Azumi herself is played by pop-star Aya Ueto. She is a tiny little
pixie, and indescribably cute. This duality between cute girl and supreme assassin works so so well.

Did I mention how cute she was?

2. Audition

Ahhhh. Audition. Or Ôdishon for the pedantic.

Well, why is this film important to me? Well I guess the main reason is that it was my first film by Japanese super-director Takashi Miike. A crazy loon of a director, who operates in low-budget, high budget, High Concept, subtle drama, fantasy, horror, crime, etc. You get the idea. He makes at least 4 films a year, and yes the quality is variable. But a handful are classics. And I think this makes the list.

I don’t really want to spend these blogs going through an in-depth synopsis of what happens in the film. There are loads of review sites and blogs that can do that for you. But here is the Elevator Pitch:

“lonely widower is convinced to meet new young wife via audition process but miscasts horribly”

To be honest the first hour or so is a little heavy on the atmosphere and slight on pacing. A couple of shocks (what is in that bag? Exactly what you fear it might be. ) liven things up, but it is the final 30 minutes which make the film memorable. Yes, it is horrible. Yes, it is painful to watch. But tell me honestly that you have seen an American film descend into hell this way?

Is it a feminist empowerment fable? Or a Misogynistic exploration? I am not sure – I guess you take out of the movie what you want.

Funnily enough, this one has not got an American remake to sully its good name. Let’s all be happy for that.

1. Ring

[There are going to be spoilers in here. The film has been out 11 years though, so there must be some unwritten statue of limitations]

This is where it all started for me. Sort of.

Let’s wind back a few years. I was not completely ignorant of Asian Cinema. I remember a very enjoyable viewing of “A Chinese Ghost Story” one late night on Channel 4. I had a video copy of “Tetsuo”. My first ever import DVD after hacking my first DVD player was “Akira”.

But then all the “cool” kids had a copy of “Akira” right?

So anyways, I had been a student of Horror films for some time. Only the Classics of course – “Evil Dead”, “Halloween”, “Night of the Living Dead”, the usual suspects.

But I started hearing and reading about a couple of films from Japan that might pique my interest. The first was “Audition”. A strange, cold film that is 90% one thing and 10% another. I might talk about it in another post, so I will keep my powder dry for now.

The second however was “Ring”.

Now before discussing the film, I just want to get something off my chest. Some of us Westerners call the film “Ringu”, some call it “Ring”. Sometimes this is because some people are pretentious. Sometimes this is because this is what we are told it should be called by students of Japanese Cinema. The problem is that the opening scene of the film concerns some young girls discussing an urban myth, where they watch a cursed video, and a week later get a phone call after which they die. So you think the title refers to the ringing of the phone. As I understand it, “Ringu” refers more to the idea of a cycle, of things repeating themselves. Which is far more in keeping with some of the idea of the film. So therefore you ask – why are you calling the film “Ring”? Because that is what was on my Tartan DVD. And I am sticking to it.

The film itself is pretty good. It is not a film of many shocks, certainly no gore, but contains a wonderful ambience. The tension is amped up considerably over the course of the film, until the claustrophobic finale.

Of course the defining moment of the film happens some time before the end. This is when our little villainess Sadako makes her way out of the television set to kill our secondary hero Ryuji Takayama. It is a classic of the horror genre, and should be cherished as such.

The downside with the film is that it spawned a host of imitators, all containing “Ghostly Long Haired Girls” – or variations on that theme. Although, to be fair, I think the visual of Sadako is based on a classic Japanese ghost.

It is also of note that the film is based on the novel by Kôji Suzuki. The English translation is a pretty good read – and fascinating because of the differences (The lead is a male, Ryuji is a much more unpleasant fellow and there is no Sadako from the TV scene). Things get a little better explained in the novel too – be prepared for Hermaphrodites and smallpox.

There are various sequels and a prequel – and it all gets rather complicated. I am not going to go into it here – the brilliant website http://www.theringworldforum.com/ will explain it all for you. But in short – none of the other films come close. In fact (and whisper this) some are pretty awful.

This is the point of me including this film though. I was able through this film to discover the other Films, Novels and Manga in the Ring Oeuvre. I got lost in there for a little while, but made it back safe and sound.

Oh and one thing – if you go reading the Novels – be prepared for the third Novel “Loop” to be something quite different to that which you suspect. It is probably more science fiction than horror (although I think that categorisation is true of the three main novels), this is not a criticism, but a warning to the uninitiated. But then I have reviewed it before.

So in short – not the greatest film ever.

One of the great scenes.

And one addicted little me.

Here Are a Few of My Favourite (Asian) Things

Welcome back Casual Readers.

Here is how it is going to work for the foreseeable future.  For several years now I have been adding to my already crazy DVD habit by watching many films from Asia.  Actually, to be honest, mostly from Japan and Korea – but forgive me my ignorance.  Some have been good.  Some not so good.  And I am going going to discuss my favourites.  I have 15-20 in mind, so this might take a while.  And of course, as has been noted by others, my ADD is quite possibly going to leave this in the same state of flux as my other grand blog ideas.  But I am certain there are people here who are going to kick me up the virtual arse.

After this, I am going to talk about why “House” is my current favourite TV show, and list the 10 episodes of Seinfeld you really must watch.

But we are a long long way from there.

Just One More Thing

I have had an idea.

The Columbo post of 4 years ago went really well.

So how about posts of 10 (or less) things that makes stuff cool to me?

Thanks Cansu!